Love versus infatuation

This is brilliant:

E-mails from an A**hole

Yesterday I came across this website. Unlike 99.9 % of the stuff I post here, I’m actually not 100 percent sure if the link is NSFW – it probably depends on where you work but if you want to be sure don’t click the link. Not science, not a place to learn stuff – so if that’s what you’re here for; come back later, there’ll be plenty of that stuff later. I was arguing a long time with myself about whether I should link to this or not.

Some of them reminded me of the letters in Eric Ericson’s Brev till Utlandet which I’ve previously blogged here, though I’m not sure Ericson would like that comparison (the blogger is on a whole different level of hyperbole, rudeness, obnoxiousness ect.).

I thought the best of them were really, really funny and I decided to post a couple of examples:

“From Alex Mcgob to ***********@***********.org
Hey! I am interested in renting your place, it sounds awesome! I can pay straight cash every month. Just don’t ask where it comes from.

A little bit about myself, I am 22, and love having fun! I saw you are avid movie watchers, which is great because I have a large collection of [*]. I don’t really like cleaning, so I will expect people to clean after me. I have 5 german shepherds, but don’t worry, they are cool. I have a habit of eating any food I find, but I’ll try to restock the fridge with tap water at least once a week. I love playing the bagpipes, and I usually play them every night for a few hours.

Now I just wanted to let you know, I am a bit of an alcoholic. I drink every night until I black out and am often loud and obnoxious. I don’t have a car because I am currently sorting out my 3rd DUI, so is it cool if I borrow a car if I need to run to the liquor store or something? I’ll make sure I put some gas in it.

Some people have complained that I don’t shower, but my minor odor is nothing compared to the amount of money you will be saving on water.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thanks,

Alex”

[* word erased to avoid getting my blog caught in word filters used to block sites in workplace environments - it starts with a p, the next letter is an o...]

…

“This was in response to an ad for a guy looking for a parking pass to the Eagles/Giants game last season at Giant’s Stadium. I don’t think he actually looked at the parking pass I sent him. If he did try to use it, he’s a retard.
Timmy Tucker to ****************@***********.org
Hi there! I have season parking passes to the game and would be willing to give up my parking pass for this one because I am taking a cab to the game. I will sell it for $25.

I scanned a picture of it here if you are interested:

Please let me know!

Go Eagles! Fuck the Cowboys!

- Tim

MATTHEW *************** to Me

Hey that sounds great! Do you think that maybe you could get me one for my friend too? He is going to the Carolina Arizona game and if you could get one for him, I would gladly give you 60 for the pair.”

Pi is wrong?

This is cute:

More here and here. She’s a bit like Salman Khan – she makes learning more fun and she’s very pleasant to listen to (in my opinion). They work well together too.

Here’s another video from her youtube channel:

A glossary for research reports

Not the first of its kind, but I liked it. Link.

…

Scientific term (Actual meaning)

It has long been known that … (I haven’t bothered to look up the original reference)

…of great theoretical and practical importance (…interesting to me)

While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions … (The experiments didn’t work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it)

The W-Pb system was chosen as especially suitable to show the predicted behaviour. … (The fellow in the next lab had some already made up)

High-purity || Very high purity || Extremely high purity || Super-purity || Spectroscopically pure … (Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the supplier)

A fiducial reference line … (A scratch)

Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study … (The results on the others didn’t make sense and were ignored)

…accidentally strained during mounting (…dropped on the floor)

…handled with extreme care throughout the experiments (…not dropped on the floor)

…Typical results are shown … (The best results are shown)

Although some detail has been lost in reproduction, it is clear from the original micrograph that … (It is impossible to tell from the micrograph)

Presumably at longer times … (I didn’t take time to find out)

The agreement with the predicted curve is excellent (fair) || good (poor) || satisfactory (doubtful) || fair (imaginary) || . . as good as could be expected (non-existent)

These results will be reported at a later date … (I might possibly get around to this sometime)

The most reliable values are those of Jones (He was a student of mine)

It is suggested that || It is believed that || It may be that … (I think)

It is generally believed that … (A couple of other guys think so too)

It might be argued that … (I have such a good answer to this objection that I shall now raise it)

It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding … (I don’t understand it)

Unfortunately, a quantitative theory to account for these effects has not been formulated … (Neither does anybody else)

Correct within an order of magnitude … (Wrong)

It is to be hoped that this work will stimulate further work in the field … (This paper isn’t very good, but neither are any of the others in this miserable subject)

Thanks are due to Joe Glotz for assistance with the experiments and to John Doe for valuable discussions … (Glotz did the work and Doe explained what it meant)

C. D. Graham, Jr., Metal. Progress 71, 75 (1957) (actual source)

(Fake) quotes

Megan McArdle has an article up where she wonders why someone would post and spread what might(?) be a fake quote by Martin Luther King. Here are some of the responses to the article:

1) “People believe anything they read on the internet if it fits their preconceived notions.” –Thomas Jefferson. (first comment in the thread, had me laughing loudly)

2) “First!” – ‘Adam’ (of course he’s actually fifth though he does come right after god…) – followed by the comment: “Dammit!” by ‘Eve’

3) “False attributions are cool!” — Megan McArdle

4) “Shit, got USA Troops knocking at my door” – O……..

5) “You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can’t lead a horse to water and make him a boat captain.” — Abe Lincoln.

6) “a small step for a man a giant leap for mankind” –genghis khan.

7) “The great thing about the internet is that you can make up anything and attribute it to anyone you want.” —George Washington

Costly, but probably worth it!

This had me laughing out loud:

Printing money

I tried to put it up here, but I didn’t succeed – but don’t allow yourselves to miss this great Jon Stewart video.

Some really weird (disturbing?) pics, bunny suicide edition

I bookmarked the site where I found the pics a while ago, intending to blog it at some point. Can’t remember how I got there in the first place. Some of them remind me a bit of Gary Larson’s strips, even if his material is unquestioningly of much higher average quality.

Compromise

Link.

Inspiration…

Exams are getting closer every day, so please bear with me:

Link.

If this guy’s last name was Lambert, that answer would probably have earned him something like perhaps a ‘C’ in my book (he didn’t define all quantities – ie. how much beer did it take for Lambert to go from state one to state two? – and he was asked to write the law, not illustrate it graphically. But the illustration is great!). In case you’re curious, here’s Wikipedia’s entry on the Beer-Lambert Law.

Sesquipedalian loquaciousness

I’ve just been rewatching a few episodes of Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister. If you don’t understand the headline, here’s the link.

I’ll probably mention the series again at a later point in time, even if I’m pretty sure I’ve done it here on this blog at least once before. If I was only allowed to recommend one tv-show out of all the shows out there, this one would be somewhere on the absolute top of that list. Some wonderful quotes from the series:

Sir Humphrey: To put is simply, Prime Minister, certain informal discussions took place involving a full and frank exchange of views, out of which there rose a series of proposals, which on examination proved to indicate certain promising lines of inquiry, which when pursued lead to the realization that the alternative courses of action might in fact, in certain circumstances, be susceptible of discreet modification, leading to a reappraisal of the original areas of difference, and pointing a way to encouraging possibilities of compromise, and cooperation, which, if bilaterally implemented with appropriate give and take on both sides, might, if the climate were right, have a reasonable possibility at the end of the day of leading, rightly or wrongly, to a mutually satisfactory resolution.
Jim Hacker (after a long pause): What the hell are you talking about?
Sir Humphrey: We did a deal.

Sir Humphrey’s speech above (from the episode Power to the People) took 46 seconds from start to finish. Here are two other memorable Humphrey-quotes from the series (the first one is from the episode Man Overboard, the second is from the episode The Ministerial Broadcast):

Sir Humphrey: It is characteristic of all committee discussions and decisions that every member has a vivid recollection of them, and that every member’s recollection of them differs violently from every other member’s recollection, consequently we accept the convention that the official decisions are those and only those which have been officially recorded in the minutes by the officials; from which it emerges with an elegant inevitability that any decision which has been officially reached would have been officially recorded in the minutes by the officials, and any decision which is not recorded in the minutes has not been officially reached, even if one or more members believe they can recollect it; so in this particular case, if the decision had been officially reached, it would have been officially recorded in the minutes by the officials, and it isn’t so it wasn’t.

…

Sir Humphrey: You see, Party figures can be very unreliable, Prime Minister.
Jim Hacker: Evidently.
Sir Humphrey: May I suggest a compromise?
Jim Hacker: What?
Sir Humphrey: Well, it’s clear that the Committee has agreed that your new policy is really an excellent plan; but in view of the doubts being expressed, may I propose that I recall that after careful consideration, the considered view of the Committee was that, while they considered that the proposal met with broad approval in principle, that some of the principles were sufficiently fundamental in principle, and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice that in principle it was proposed that the sensible and prudent practice would be to submit the proposal for more detailed consideration, laying stress on the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles, the principal of the principal arguments which the proposal proposes and propounds for their approval … In principle.
Jim Hacker: What?
Sir Humphrey: Don’t refer to your Grand Design in your television broadcast on Friday.

Vegan? – No thanks, I’m not hungry…

Failblog.

How many firms “deal” with their economic troubles

My previous post on newspapers just reminded me of this strip, which I would assume is actually more relevant now than it was when it was first made four years ago:

Maybe it doesn’t need to be so hard after all…

The clip is from The Big Bang Theory. I’ve seen the first two and a half episodes, and so far I think it’s hilarious.

If research papers had a comment section…

Link.

Brev till utlandet

A hilarious book by Eric Ericson consisting of letters sent by Mr. Ericson to various firms all over the world, all of them filled with downright insane ideas and proposals (the letters, that is, not the firms – or how is it again?), in which he pretends to have already made arrangements with the firms in question, thus more or less forcing the firms to reply to his crazy letters. The firms’ responses to the letters are included as well. Not a long book, but very, very funny. Below I have copied one example of the sort of correspondence the book is filled with:

Hello

First of all, I want to thank you so much for your invitation. I was both moved and surprised. I had not expected it in the least. I will arrive at your place on January 8 as agreed. I will bring approximately 200 small animals and about a hundred midsized and large animals. You should not pet the big animals. I would like you to order fodder for the animals right away. I have chartered a plane for me and the animals, as this is the most effective way to transport the animals. I have asked the airline to send the invoice to you directly. See you soon!

Eric Ericson
Mailbox 412
Birger Jarlsgatan 39
111 45 Stockoholm
Sweden

…

Sent to Spółdzielcza Grupa Bankowa, a Polish bank(!). The bank’s response:

Dear Sir,

Regarding to the mail, concerning your visit in Torun (Poland), I inform you, as following:
1. We don’t know you.
2. We have never invited you to Poland.
3. We only deal with banking business – not with animals.
4. We don’t expect you and especially your 300 animals.
5. We will not pay any invoice received from airline.

Failblog

Whiteberg already linked to the properly named failblog, but it’s a really funny site, and in case you don’t read his blog or didn’t follow the link, now I give you a second chance to get to know about the blog.

Here’s one example (and let me tell you: it is very difficult to pick only one):

Technological progress

In case you have forgotten, we sure have come a long way in the last 10-15 years…

Fry and Laurie

We all know Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie from the Blackadder-series. But did you know that the two comedians have worked together a long time both before and after this, making for instance the television series A Bit of Fry and Laurie?

I didn’t, and I’m sure glad I found out!

Fun

This comic made me laugh:

I have mentioned it before, but the xkcd-site is just brilliant!

Also, this Python-sketch I only very recently discovered, and it’s very, very good. The Pythons and Rowan Atkinson together, need I say more?

Perhaps I do:

“What is the name of the meat we get from pigs?
… P-p-pork?
What?
Pork?
No, no, you’re guessing aren’t you? The meat we get from pigs is called Baghdad!”